must read

["Bankrupt"]

Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.


And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[popomonster]

thats funny! but that is why i dont fly.

[Turk]

HAHA!!! Yeah I will only fly if I really have to.Sometimes the only way to get somewhere is to fly but I always try to find another way of getting there if it is possible.

[Rubberdown]

LMFAO, thats way to funny :D

[Dirtbmw20]

I have never seen the inside of an airplane, 38 years old and have never flown before.

[OnlyPolaris]

thats funny. i have never flone either.

[800Stealth]

I have never seen the inside of an airplane, 38 years old and have never flown before.

Amen brother, it's funny but I don't know another mechanic or parts guy that will get in a plane, I think we just see too many mechanical failures to climb into something that can't coast to a stop on the side of the road. LOL

[mudsportsman05]

I have only flown once, it was one of the worst experiences of my life. We hit some bad weather and the pilot gets on the mic and tells us. AS the plane is shaking and stuff I am freaking out, the guy next to me is like.."first time flying" and I was like Ya and its gonna be my last.